January 18, 2008

Does Gringo Mean Sucker?

I hate real estate. In any form. Really. Never mind that I'm just getting over the most recent scarring experience with my home in Miami...now I have to find a place to live in Costa Rica's Central Valley.
We need 3 to 4 bedrooms, a decent kitchen, a small garden, parking for one car and good security. I'd also like lots of light and they must allow pets. How hard is this?
I thought we'd found a place. It was perfect: three bedrooms, three baths, huge office, huge living/dining area, huge kitchen with brand new cabinets and counter-tops, two-car garage, fruit tree filled garden, the whole thing surrounded by a high wall with electrified wire and loops of concertina fence and a fire and burglar alarm system. Heaven.
We told the gentleman who showed it to us that we'd take it for February. We agreed on a price, asked all the questions we needed to and that was that....until an hour later when he called back and told us that the lease would start on the 15th of this month. We told him that didn't make any sense, that we wouldn't be getting our furniture until the 24th or 25th and that we'd prefer a normal start date of the 1st and that if we needed access before then, we could do a proration. He said that he'd move the start date to the 23rd of January. We asked why we couldn't just start on Feb. 1 and he said, "That's the way the owner wants it." Huh.
A couple of days later, while going over to size up the rooms, I asked how much the alarm system and the guard would be per month. He said he didn't know. I asked him to call the owner. I don't think he realized how loud she was and that I could understand every word. She said the alarm was 17,000 ($34) colones per month and that the guard was 60,000 ($120) per month. When he got off his cell, he told me that for an extra $50 on the rent, they'd cover the alarm payment and that the guard was 25,000 ($50). After he left I went back and asked one of the neighbors. She told me the guard was 60,000. Bad feeling coming over me at this point.
Wednesday he sends a copy of the lease and the lawyer at my husband's office looks it over. All pretty straight up. Owners are older Chinese couple. No commencement date though. We call the guy and ask again about the date. This time he says Feb. 28th and that's it, "Because there's another couple that wants the house." Sure, yeah, right. We still want the house so we say, "Fine". The guy is now getting a bit of an attitude about all of our questions.
This morning he was to bring the lease for signing and get the deposit. I told Tom to make sure he had a copy of the lease he'd gotten via email. Something told me there was a possibility, no matter how teensy, that this dude might switch the leases.
Well, I shouldn't have worried. About 10 minutes before he was to meet Tom at his office, he called and told him he'd be there soon and, oh yeah, "You have to pay half of the fee for our attorney." Tom was busy with another call and said, "uh, huh". It was only after he hung up that he realized what the guy had said. He called me and told me what had been said and that's when I finally blew up. I told Tom to tell this guy that A) the lease needs to start on Feb. 1 unless there is some real and impossible to overcome reason it cannot and B) unless there is a LAW requiring the lessee to pay half the attorney's fees for the lessor, he should tell this guy to take the lease and shove it.
Tom consults our attorney and several Tico co-workers. The attorney says this new request is B.S. and the Ticos all say they've never heard of such a thing with a rental . The guy arrives a few minutes later, seeming to be in a hurry. He plonks down the lease and hands Tom a pen and that's when Tom tells him, "Look, I've asked my attorney and he says there's no reason I should be paying anything for your attorney." The guy tells him, "That's the way we do it here. We split legal fees." Tom says, "Well, not according to my attorney or anyone else I've asked. I don't expect you to pay for our attorney. Also, about the lease start date, it has to start on the 1st unless there is some legitimate reason that it's not possible." That's when the guy stood up, got really pissed and said, "This is the way we do it or you don't get the house!" Tom said, "That's fine." He said the guy looked shocked and then stormed out.
I think there was never an attorney on the other end. I think this guy was running a scam and that funky start date had something to do with it too. I'm just glad we weren't dumb enough to believe that line of crap and pay him. This would have been a disaster. Sad too, because I really liked the house. I wish I could tell the owners what this guy was up to. Somehow I have a feeling they don't have a clue. We looked up the house and it has a lien on it. Wonder what other surprised would have popped up later...
In any case, I'm back to looking at places to live. Saw an apartment today. No garden, hodge-podge design and like most of the places I've seen, lousy kitchen. What is it with the 16 inch deep counters, sticky drawers and no shelves? It'd be like cooking in a cave for me. Ugh! Please don't make me stay in this teeny apartment another month...please, let me unpack my container of stuff and snuggle in my new duvet.
For now, however, it looks like I'm condemned to drag a grumpy 5-year-old ("Can't we just get this one and go to lunch?") through one house after another. I won't say I'm in Hell cuz, hey, it's still beautiful Costa Rica. So I'll just say I'm in Heck.