May 20, 2007

SUNDAY, MAY 20, 2007

"WHY!? WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY....!?"

- Figure Skater Nancy Kerrigan after being whacked on the knee by a thug hired by a rival skater.

Why? That was my question this afternoon when I returned home after a quick run to Target and saw what one of my neighbors had done.
Earlier, as I was driving away from my house, I saw the neighbor three doors down dragging a tatty looking couch out of his home with the help of a couple of beer toting friends. It was upholstered in an ugly brown and yellow sort of plaid and it looked as if their dog had gnawed on the armrests. I figured they were dragging it out to the side of the street where it would be an eyesore for a couple of days until the trash collectors came by for a 'bulky pick-up'. I did wonder why they were going to do this during a light rain, but hell, it's not my couch, so who cares.
Well, I came home about an hour later to a truly disturbing sight. The couch was not sitting next to the street as I had expected. That hideous, chewed couch was now sitting on the neighbor's porch and, as if that wasn't bad enough, said neighbor was lying on the couch, reading a magazine and drinking a beer. His dog (the couch chewer, I assume) was sitting next to him and, if I'm not mistaken, was on a leash chained to one of the feet on the couch. I thought I was gonna puke.
This is a nice neighborhood. Middle-class, neat, cute homes with nicely landscaped yards and fresh paint jobs. No one else on this street has more than a small, ornate bench on their porch, but this yayhoo has decided to extend his living room into the front yard and add just a hint of 'hick' to the otherwise squeaky clean tropical landscape.
Even if I wasn't selling my house, I would find this guy's new yard ornament a bit upsetting, but right this minute, I'm freaking out. I'm pretty sure this is the dude whose wife packed up and moved out a few weeks ago. Maybe the couch is temporary? Maybe after he has a few Coronas and it stops raining, he'll drag it out to the street. For right now, that's what I'm gonna tell myself, 'cause that what I want to believe. I'm gonna try not to panic. Right now all I want to know is: Why? Why, why, why, why.....?