June 13, 2006

OUT OF 'CONTROL'...JUNE 13, 2006

While standing in line today at the grocery store, clutching my two pints of Ben and Jerry's Pistachio, I saw a photo of a very fit and toned Janet Jackson. (You may remember her, she's the one with the "alleged" pedophile brother, the hit 90's pop songs and the pierced titty that caused all the SuperBowl uproar.) The magazine was questioning her weight loss of 60-something pounds in 16 weeks. They're saying it's liposuction.

I dunno...she's mega-rich and sure as Hell isn't busy doing anything else these days so, while fat-sucking surgery is entirely possible, I think she has the time and the resources to pay a whole cadre of people to do nothing but chase her down the beach, force her to do sit-ups and rip the Ring-Dings out of her hand when she's naughty. I know my ass would be a lot smaller if I had the cash to pay someone to lock the fridge and drag me around the gym.

Other than the fact that she's a bit of a musical has-been, I know there isn't much reason to bring her up, but it just kinda bugs me. No one ever tracks the aesthetic crumbling of male music artists. I don't recall anyone saying that Van Morrison should seek out a fat farm when his pants got a bit tighter. Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty porked out for a while and there was nary a mention in the press, much less anything like all the hullabaloo over Ms. Jackson's new poundage. No one put them on the cover of the Enquirer, every bloody week, so that one and all could be apalled by their corpulence. Okay, Elvis Presley (the Vegas years) was an exception, but that was his fault for wearing white - the dude looked like a weather balloon.

Well, she's thin again. Unless she makes another album or has to go to Dubai to pick up her creepy-ass brother, she won't be mentioned again for a great while.

I was going to put the ice cream back after I saw the photo of the 'new and improved' Janet, but I know that while she may look great, she's probably really pissed off and really hungry. I went home and ate a bowl of pistachio for Janet and all of the other hungry women out there. I needed a more important reason than just because the pints were 2 for $5.